But jokes

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?

Answer: Your right elbow.

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”

Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”

Chef: “Why thank you.”

Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”

Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

I was going to post a Kobe Briant joke, but the site crashed.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!