But jokes
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
East Richmond had a train station, but Richmond is better, why?
I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.
Memes
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But thatβs just nuts.
I'm high and it's very hot.
I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
What is hard to find but easy to make?
An orphan.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I donβt know where it went.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.