But jokes

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

Tried making jokes about 9/11, but it just kept falling apart.

I made a website for orphans, but it did not have a home page.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?

Lots of fans.

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

What is hard to find but easy to make?

An orphan.

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?

Answer: Your right elbow.

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?