But jokes
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars but they got jets.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me, but everybody tolerates me.
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.