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But jokes

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

A fat man coming in the store.

Waiter: Oh god, not again :|

Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.

Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?

Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.