A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
