Breakup jokes

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?

Explosion.