Break jokes

Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

"We've invented the spade!"

"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?

A rock can break a glass ceiling.

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

It was pornography class, and there was a break.

Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...

Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!

Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?

Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...

Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Where's the D?

Adult 2: Inside me...

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?

Her boner.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.