Break jokes
A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.
The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"
"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"
The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.
The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
Why don't rappers ever become bankers?
Because they always break the BARS!
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.