20+ Separate Jokes

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.

What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

Both their parents were separated.

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

What do you call a born-again heteroflexible male that is a Christian nationalist who thinks he is bisexual when the LGBT community knows that he is bicurious and that he is on steroids and that the LGBT community knows that he is not telling the truth about that? He is a gay man that is in the closet. He should be forced out of the closet by gay men in the LGBT community by any means necessary if gay men in the LGBT community still want to defend the wall of separation of church and state by any means necessary.

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

didn't fall for number 6 7 and 5

The image lists "10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU" with a list of funny observations, and a minion looking surprised. The list reads: "1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips. 4) You just tried to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped number 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are an idiot (but everyone else does it too, if that makes you feel any better). 10) You are going to repin this to see who else falls for it."

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colors...

God's racist. He separated light from dark.

Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?

They are skilled at separating colors.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.

You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.

What separates snowmen from snow-women?

Snow balls.

2 planes crashed into 2 separate towers.

Now 2 towers crash into 2 separate planes.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane. The Christian and the Buddhists flight goes well but the muslims plane has a problem and crashes into 2 towers.