Brain jokes
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Why can't emos have ADD?
'Cause they are already scatter-brained.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?