Brain jokes
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
What do you call a deer with good eyes?
Good ideas.
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.