Body jokes
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.
Why does a very tall man allow dwarfs to take turns to suck his balls?
Because he is nuts about them!
on god
What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
Because she had no arms.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.
Sans: Hey Frisk, why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Frisk: Why didn't he go to the dance?
Sans: 'Cause he had no body to dance with!
A hand is always sad when it sees a dick is going inside.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Why does shit come out your asshole? Cause fuck you, that's why.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Your hairline is so big, it looks like the TITANIC.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.