My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
