Body jokes
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.