Body jokes

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

"Puta, banana in your ear!"

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?

She had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not Susie.

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.

Ur dick.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a lil' boogie in it ;)

What do you call the midget sea?

A pond.

Verga.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.

What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.