Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
Body Jokes
My wiener's small.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Really bad penis joke.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"
He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."
What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What's Stephen Hawking’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
