Body jokes
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Can you see me?
Swallow cum, not gum.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.