Body jokes
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
I watched a movie about bones. It was spine-tingling!
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"