What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Your forehead's so big that Michael Jackson could moonwalk across that b*tch.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
