What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Your forehead's so big that Michael Jackson could moonwalk across that b*tch.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
Arms.
