Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
What has 2 legs and is red all over?
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
It was too irritating to listen to her and lend her my ear to talk to.
What did the one-handed man have for breakfast this morning?
Finger food.
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
What should more fun than slapping a baby?
Deez nutz.
Say, "Crack my fingers."
Now say that backwards...
I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Rubber-toe.
No. Eat my butt!
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
