At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn’t she get up? She had no friends. Knock Knock (Who’s there?) Not Sally…
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it…”
The room was full of arm amputees.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
They say masterbation is better with a dead arm
Apparently I ruined that funeral
why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who’s there? not sally ~ what first went through sally’s head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike
Why did Sally fall out of the swing She had no arms Why couldn’t she get up Because she had no friends.
What’s both red, white and sometimes purple My arms…
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms. Knock knock, Who’s there? Not lil Susie
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen