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At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f...ed before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE F...ED!”

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it…”

The room was full of arm amputees.

They say masterbation is better with a dead arm

Apparently I ruined that funeral

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

Why did little sally fall of the swings? Because she had no arms What did sally get for Christmas? Gloves! Only joking…she still hasn’t opened the box

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn’t she get up? She had no friends. Knock Knock (Who’s there?) Not Sally…

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who’s there? not sally ~ what first went through sally’s head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

Why did Sally fall out of the swing She had no arms Why couldn’t she get up Because she had no friends.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock (Who’s there) Not Sally

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms. Knock knock, Who’s there? Not lil Susie

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.

Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms? Because he told the man to put his hands up