Arms Jokes


Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie.

Bloodcurdling scream

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”


Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no friends. Knock Knock (Who's there?) Not Sally...


How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?



A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

in Animal

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.


They say masterbation is better with a dead arm

Apparently I ruined that funeral

in Doctor

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."

in Self Harm

Somebody asked me whats that on your arm I just said "My cats got ocd"

in Child

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.


surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that they're arms don't get tired..


A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

in Depression

What's both red, white and sometimes purple My arms...


Why did Sally fall out of the swing She had no arms Why couldn’t she get up Because she had no friends.

in Self Harm

my friend: "whats that on your arm me: oh this, i didnt have enough storage on my phone to download fruit ninja so i had to improvise a little bit


What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.

in Sally

why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who's there? not sally ~ what first went through sally's head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike


What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.

in Self Harm

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm

sell farm
in Self Harm

what's the difference between a grape, apple and an arm?

you don't slice a grape