I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
What’s Stephen Hawking's favorite song? Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.
What did the ankle say to the doorman?
You are a nonsense.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
