Blind jokes

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.

Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?

She has.

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.

They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.