Blind

Blind jokes

Dark Humor

    • Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"

    Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"

    Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"

    Grandma: "Exactly."

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    • Kid

    • Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

    But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

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    • Wheelchair

    • A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

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    • Comeback

    • An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

    The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

    The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

    The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

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    • Gun

    • Q: How do you punish a blind person?

    A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

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    • Husband

    • Wife is texting husband:

    "Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

    Husband: "seilghsielguG"

    Wife: "Seriously, David?"

    Husband: "fuweyadb"

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    • Girlfriend

    • What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

    Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

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    • Eye

    • An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

    ...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

    Eye

    • Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.

    Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.

    On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

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