Birth jokes
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!