Birth jokes

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

"Dustin Jordan Manna should have been an abortion."

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

Louie being born.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."