Birth jokes
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
"Dustin Jordan Manna should have been an abortion."
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.