Birth jokes
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Where are virgins usually born?
Virginia.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?
"Kinder Egg surprise."
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
I always felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. But then I was born.
But in my defense, I was young then, and I had a womb without a view.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"