Beverage jokes
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What kind of mountain does everyone like?
Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Answer: Tequila
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer!
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!