Beverage jokes
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Yo mama so stupid. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
What kind of tea is really hard to swallow? Reality.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the cow.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]