The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
Would you like some wine with those French cries?
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
