Beverage jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What kind of mountain does everyone like?
Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.