Best jokes

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

What's the best song to sing to George Floyd?

"I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor.

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

Paul Walker is the best legend to go down in history. Change my mind.

Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷

Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷

If I was a raped victim, would silence be the best medicine?

Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

What's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.

We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.