Best Jokes

one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube

Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree In between Christmas two and Christmas four 😉😂😂

So I stayed at my friends house for a few days and I was like omg why so I am going home because I’m going to my best friend house

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker? Not only do you get your money back, but, the second hour is free.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

Hey guys! It's Triple G you can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes as those are the jokes I specialise and only do best on the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revouir, GGG

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Two men were were on a hike through a forest when on of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake the other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened the doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, ''have u got the cure'' hiker number two just said nah mate your dead

Come on guys, It's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, The riot dev's try their best but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else. Like their downsyndrome

Dear Gwen u are not a faker nor Lier nor loser! And the people that are brothering u are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt ur self because of these comments tbh ur really nice, kind, and mannred! Their are more kind people then mean people and I am one of them! Just live ur life and Ignore Liv and unknown guy which is named Greg! No need for all this drama! Best. Tenya Bailey.

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The non stop dancer". It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apperently) through out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "why are you running?" "My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!" They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?" "Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic? Because dead babies make the best chum! :)

What sport are Mexicans the best at ? - Cross country

Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your BUTT!

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told by to hurry ?

I yamm

Why are the best used guns from France ? Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it! What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph! What is Santa's favourite breakfast? SnowFLAKES! What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!