Best jokes
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-hens!
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
What's the best song to sing to George Floyd?
"I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Paul Walker is the best legend to go down in history. Change my mind.
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."