Best jokes

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

What is the best joke in the world? Women’s rights.

Gemini, it is you who is trying to start such a big mess for no reason. I never said it had a charm or a lead roll. I just want love and spread kindness. PS: I use my brain. I use it all the time, just for your information. I just hope we can be friends.

Best, Gwen

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What is the best way to pick a woman at a bar?

Spike her drink with roofies

Zis iz za best joke in za west: exsepz if zu put ketup in shawarma itz yo mama!

Where do ducks poop out of?

From their buttquack.

Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕

I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.

Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.

The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.