Why do the Chinese children don't believe in Santa? Because they're the ones making the toys.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins, Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice,"
Why did a woman believed she was a target ? She had a price tag without any value to it?
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
I can't believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean... All I did was take a day off!
What music do depressed people listen to? "I believe I Can fly"
why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Bully : shut up and give me your money otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin Boy : haha I am not a virgin anymore Bully : haha nice joke Boy : if you don't believe then ask your sister or brother Bully : hah I don't have any sibling Boy : will just wait for 9 months then u will know
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion
I cannot believe Kelly Clarkson's music is considered pop! More like comatose music!
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent. And that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
Yo mamma so ugly, even Ripley wouldn't believe it
The only difference between you and Jesus, is that jesus believed in himself.
Why do imagine dragons dream about mythical creatures? Because their believers.
Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him. I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian, therefore he could never be himself.
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning :3
