Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, " Yall mutherfuckers aint gonna believe dis shit"
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to because they were born without a penis
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Police: Where do u live Me: With my parents Police: Where your parents live Me: With me Police: Where do you all live Me: Together Police: where is your house Me: Next to my neighbor Police: Where is your neighbor’s house Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house
An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins, Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice,"
Bully : shut up and give me your money otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin Boy : haha I am not a virgin anymore Bully : haha nice joke Boy : if you don't believe then ask your sister or brother Bully : hah I don't have any sibling Boy : will just wait for 9 months then u will know
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
Why wouldn’t Mr Bee 🐝 push Ms Bee 🐝 away?
Believe he loves his honey.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist Because it doesn't cycle 🚲
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
