Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Elementary school kids: School is fun Me:Yeah Yeah just keep believing that
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, " Yall mutherfuckers aint gonna believe dis shit"
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to because they were born without a penis
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist Because it doesn't cycle 🚲
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why wouldn’t Mr Bee 🐝 push Ms Bee 🐝 away?
Believe he loves his honey.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
Every wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
The made the toys
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit” girl says “who” boy goes “ my ass cheeks”
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: The moon landing was faked! So unbelievable fake! Me: You believe in the moon? Stupidass.
I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf.....s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it
