Being jokes

Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...

I have no beef with them.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."

Me: "You should be Batman."

Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...

There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...

The parents aren’t home.

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!

Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.

Me: What? Am I dying?

Doctor: No, your wife is.

Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.