Being jokes

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

Roses are red, fishers are fishing,

I really hope you’ll be reported missing.

What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?

Be there or B2.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭

If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.