Being jokes
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To be wanted.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.