Being jokes
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Memes
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Bro, just imagine being named Brynley. Couldn't be me.
Why do orphans like being criminals?
Because then someone actually wants them.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Imagine everyone being hoes.
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."