Being jokes

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.

Who will be told? Oh wait.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.

What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?

He would be robin.

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.