Being jokes

What an upside to being an orphan!

There's things called family-size bags.

We should stop being mean to orphans.

We should be cruel instead.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?

The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?

Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!

The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

Why do dwarfs suck a cow's udder instead of being breastfed? Because they are too short.