Being jokes

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.

What's a plus side to being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family size. T - T

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?

Answer: Living.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

Roses are red, violets are blue, keep being you, let no one discourage you.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

Why do orphans like being criminals?

Because then someone actually wants them.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!