Being jokes
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
What did the grape say to the rapper?
"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!
Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted.
Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
What's the difference between my father and acne?
Acne waited for me to be a teenager before coming on my face.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.