Being jokes

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.

You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. 😂😂😂😂😭😭💀🤨🍆💦👶🏻😈😈😈😈😈😂😂😂😂😂😂👍😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭😭🤨

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.

Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive” or something like goddam. Just take that shit somewhere else. Smfh.

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

"Did everyone see that because I will not be doing it again."

- Captain Jack Sparrow

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

What did the icicle say to the snow?

"Why do you have to be so soft?"

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.