News Story jokes

When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.

Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"

Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".

I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.

News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?

Because they are breaking the whole entire news.