Being jokes
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it wanted to be Argon.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
yo kermit you tryna be like michael jackson?
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.