Being jokes

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

What’s the best form of contraception?

Being a soccer fan.

ATTENTION EVERYBODY: I am the owner of this website, and I will be deleting it in 5 hours. Thank you everybody who has participated in this website's life. Goodbye!

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.

Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?

Answer: Loneliness.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!