Being jokes
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Nerds be like...
British emo people be like, "Oi, I'm upset."
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
Your favorite artist must be Rihanna, the way your forehead shines bright like a diamond!
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.
Seek: Why do I have to be it?
Figure: Because your name says so.