Behavior jokes
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
Suck my ass, guys!
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
Itโs been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
Why do some people keep posting lame jokes about 9/11?
Answer; Because they are STUPID LOSERS!
Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!
(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)
So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.
I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? ๐คฃ
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.