Behavior jokes

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Yo mama so stupid, when I said, "Go deep," she dug a hole in the field.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

Mooning is very astrological!

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

Why do orphans love violent video games like GTA?

They never had parents to protect them from it.

Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

Asshole.