Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
Vampire Sleep
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Explanation
Experiment
Explain Bear
Alright, listen up, buttercup. So, basically, this guy is saying his wife sleeps like a vampire in a coffin when he gets home from work. Then, he's calling her a dummy because she "comes back from the dead" real quick. Newsflash: she's probably just faking being asleep, ya big goof!
Neyo Cunningham.
More jokes to write.