How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
Mooning is very astrological!
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
