Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Is your tap water running well?
Beta, go catch it!
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
So dark.
Many jokes about orphans.
God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
Aren't I badly good?
