Behavior jokes
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
Mooning is very astrological!
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Bored?
Burn an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?