Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
Mooning is very astrological!
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
Bored?
Burn an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Why are french fries rude?
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
