Behavior jokes

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

Gwen, why are you so nice?

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

Q: What do you call a cranky cow?

A: Moooooooody.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: No one stands up.

Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*

Little Johnny: *stands up.*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Mooning is very astrological!

Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?

... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.

What do you call a short black person?

By their name, you racist!

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?

The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!