Behavior jokes
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
What's the difference between a cunnilinguist and a Ritz?
One is a snack cracker.
The other, a crack snacker.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
Me when I go crazy :
Why do some people keep posting lame jokes about 9/11?
Answer; Because they are STUPID LOSERS!
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What would a heterosexual woman that is a whore do for $500.00 that a gay man would be willing to do for free for a heterosexual man at a glory hole?
Suck his big cock.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".