Behavior Jokes

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?

Early access.

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.