Behavior jokes

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?

Early access.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.

What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?

They wait to be filled with a big load.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".

I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.