Behavior jokes
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Me all the time :
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Pee pee poo poo wall.
Why are my students so naughty?
What do you say to a bully?
I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
What do you call a kid hanging? An emo kid!
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"
There are two types of people, avoid them both.