Behavior jokes

There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.

Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.